“Nothing will ruin your 20’s more than thinking you should have your life together already.”
Then finish it.
Golan Heights, Israel
Steve ‘did it hurt - a little’ Rogers
#/SCREAMS ABOUT HOW SKINNY!STEVE’S CHRONIC PAIN PROBABLY FUCKED UP HIS PERCEPTION OF PAIN FOR LIFE #STEVE ROGERS ‘OKAY YEAH THAT’S UNPLEASANT’ WOULD PARALYSE ANYONE ELSE #AND THAT’S NOT THE SERUM #THAT’S SKINNY STEVE THROUGH AND THROUGH (via beccabuchanans)
Don’t even start me on the fact he’s spent his whole life trying not to make a big deal of when he’s ill. He doesn’t want pity or sympathy. He doesn’t wanted to be treated like he’s weak. He doesn’t want to be looked down on because ‘he can’t take it’.
You only ever hear Steve Rogers scream once, and when he thinks people think he’s being weak, he stops and never screams again. Not unless you count the moment he sees Bucky fall to his death.
(There might be a post about this but I haven’t come across it yet.(gif credit))
The Winter Soldier doesn’t speak more than he needs to.
While his programming is still strong enough that his face doesn’t tell a thing, the way he talks is a total tell-tale.
In a line just preceding this, he is efficiently curt-Она моя, найди его. ‘She’s mine,find him.’ Only the basics one needs to understand the order; it’s completely emotionless and sparse.
It is interesting, compared to the downright chilling calmness with which he carries himself during battle. Everyone else might be scurrying and running, but he never rushes. He isn’t non-verbose because he’s pressed for time, he is curt because he was designed to be brutally efficient in every aspect, including talking.
So why on Earth, when facing his mission and having him on gunpoint, he says what is probably his longest line in the whole film?
Why would he even bother to speak? Many other objectives have talked to him, probably pleaded,promised,accused. Why should he care what the man on the bridge is saying, when he is supposed to be dead in a moment?
Perhaps, “Who is Bucky?" could be acceptable, given it’s information his superiors might find useful. He doesn’t know or care, it’s just another sentence he’ll add when he is told "Mission report,now”.
But “Who the hell is Bucky?" is just unnatural for the Winter Soldier. A completely inefficient curse thrown in. Inefficient, that is, for a less-than-talkative assassin.
Cursing relieves emotion, though. We curse when we’re scared,angry,hurt,frustrated,elated,amazed. When there is an overpowering emotion we need to express in every way possible.
That little ‘the hell' is the human inside the weapon. What could be strong enough to overpower the sterile straightforward programming, though?
For the first time in 70 years someone gives him a name. There is recognition and emotion all over his mission’s face. Emotion that isn’t horror, but disbelief,relief,hope.
Someone names him and goes beyond that-shows him he has much more to tell.
It fucks him up. The name stirs up shards of memories, not enough for them to surface, but enough to disbalance the Soldier’s inner order. For the first time during a mission something is interrupting his flow of action and it’s something he can’t overcome.
In that moment he is frustrated, both at the turmoil the target caused in him and the uprising need to know more. His programming doesn’t function well when there are emotions present. He knows he has to shut them down in order to finish his business, but for the first time, he doesn’t want to.
It all results in the most sincere and emotional thing he has ever said since he became the Winter Soldier.
"Who the hell is Bucky?...Is this me?”
I’d like to invite you to create an anxiety management plan.
I’ve compiled a list of things in each topic that I’ve found particularly helpful. If you have additions, feel free to contribute via reblog or reply.
Something to touch:
- Fleece blanket
- Necklace chain
Something to See:
- Picture books
- Photo Album
- Digital folder of calming/comforting pictures
Something to Hear:
Something to Smell (if applicable):
- Scented candles
- Certain objects in room (i.e. pillow, blanket, etc)
Something to Taste:
- Hard Candies
- Oral sensory objects
Calming Techniques and Other Stuff
- Rocking - allows brain to re-hydrate; so-called “Instinctual” soothing method
- Feel-Your-Seat - Quite literally. What are you sitting on? What does it feel like? How is your body responding to you sitting?
- Belly-Breathing - Place one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly. Take slow, deep breaths focusing on making sure your belly hand raises higher when you breathe in. Do this for seven counts.
Anyone have any more?
Not quite close enough to actually be drinking the water….. But good try